Famous Titans of Tennessee

Famous Titans of Tennessee
By Tennessee Elijah

EWNR – Outrage was pouring out of the beating hearts of troublemakers who wanted Americans to insult anyone who voted for Strom Thurmond in 1948. Their voices could be heard over the media, over the Internet and in bars from New York to California in December of 2002. As we all know,
the very idea of segregation goes against the Spirit of our great nation. Had most Democrats been old enough to vote 54 years ago, and had they all lived in South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Arkansas, Alabama or Mississippi, they would have eagerly voted for a red, yellow or black candidate for president instead of Strom Thurmond -- who is pink with brown spots.

While refreshing our bad memories to better understand what the word "segregation" really means, former Senator Howard Baker -- along with Senator Lamar Alexander, former Senator and famous movie star Fred Thompson, Congressman Bob Clement, fans of Davy Crockett, Roy Acuff, Minnie Pearl, Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, and the great United Titans of Tennessee, Senator Tennessee Frist and me, Tennessee Elijah, found these big words in the dictionary: "Segregation means enforced separation of racial groups; the practice of keeping ethnic, racial, religious or gender groups separate, especially by enforcing the use of separate schools, transportation, housing, and other facilities, and discriminating
against a minority group."

Once we began to get curious about the meaning of this foreign word, "Segregation," and after carefully considering many words spoken by
the highly esteemed Senator Trent Lott during Senator Thurmond's 100th birthday and impending retirement, we decided to very carefully evaluate what Trent had to say: "I want to say this about my state: When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We're proud of it. And
if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn't have had
all these PROBLEMS over all these years."

When Senator Tennessee Frist and me, Tennessee Elijah, were wondering what Trent meant by "we wouldn't have had all these PROBLEMS over
all these years," the other Tennessee Titans were just amazed when liberal Democrats started pretending to be angry by focusing on racial issues rather than on relevant issues. Over fifty-four years of history was totally ignored in the media during those three weeks that it took for idiots to destroy a good man! In the warped minds of those who wanted to oust Senator Lott from his position as Majority Leader, it was as though they had heard him say...
"I want to say this about my segregationist state, When Strom Thurmond ran for president as a segregationist two years ago in 2000, we voted for him instead of George Bush or Al Bore. We're proud of our hate of Demoncrats and minority groups. If the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn't be having all these PROBLEMS when we go to vote for white candidates, or all of these problems with disorderly students in schools, or cultural degeneration because of sexy drug addicts, or X-rated rap music, perverted sex and violence in liberal movies, or unbridled criminal behavior leading to corruption of our proud Christian society,
or crowded prisons because of robbery, rape and murder, welfare fraud -- not to mention the use of hate language against America by degenerates who are terrorist sympathizers."

Thank God Almighty, Trent wasn't thinking
or talking anything like his false accusers
wanted minority group voters to believe!

If this latest attempt by liberal American troublemakers (who are gleefully scheming to destroy decent God-fearing Republicans) reaches a successful conclusion when folks vote, we might as well get ready for radical changes in the future of our great nation. Not only will African Americans not be segregated from European Americans, or Asian Americans be segregated from Middle East Americans, or Indian Americans be segregated from Mexican Americans, but female Americans won't be segregated from male Americans, Christians won't be segregated from Jews, Muslims or atheists, and Republicans will not be segregated from Demoncrats, Communists, or
the mighty all-American KKK.

If we're stupid enough to believe what we're hearing in the news, this great DIVIDED UNITED STATES of AMERICA will become the epitome of unification once Strom retires or dies, Trent resigns or dies, and our Senator Tennessee Frist becomes the temporary Majority Leader. Of course as Nancy, Hillarious, Bill, Tom, Dick and Al will be telling us every day for the next few months, our communities from coast-to-coast will not return back to tranquillity until Demoncrats take control of the American government
in 2004! Once Al Sharpton is president, Jesse Jackson is Secretary of State and Hillarious is Senate Majority Leader -- we will all be riding in the same
bus again, drinking from the same water fountain again, going to the same school again, shopping at the same mall again, attending the same church, synagogue or mosque again, and living in the same neighborhood again. We will all be working at the same minimum wage job, playing golf at the same luxurious equal opportunity club, crossing back and forth over easy-access open borders, enthusiastically appeasing Middle East dictators who possess weapons of mass destruction, paying our equal share of high taxes, and looking forward to getting our fair share of retirement funds from the great Demoncratic Social Security lock box.

While Strom and Trent fade away into oblivion, men and women will be using the same restrooms. (Segregation Not Allowed) Kids will be going to X-rated movies with adults. (Segregation Not Allowed) Jews and Muslims will be worshiping God in the same Temple. (Segregation Not Allowed) There'll be no more political parties like Socialists, Demoncrats and Republicans. (Segregation Not Allowed) Poor unemployed people, and wealthy entrepreneurs will live in the same neighborhood. (Segregation
Not Allowed) Ignorant people will qualify for the same boring jobs as those who are college educated. (Segregation Not Allowed) People with infectious diseases will be working in hospitals and daycare centers. (Segregation Not Allowed) Drunk taxi drivers will be able to transport drunk passengers. (Segregation Not Allowed) Happy single men will live with sad single men and with single women who live with either single men or women who are married or divorced. (Segregation Not Allowed) And best of all, every fence will be taken down, every lock will be taken off every door, and every bank vault will be left open -- so that all of us can share everything in America equally during a common pursuit of unified happiness.

Segregation is wrong, wrong, wrong? What about the line of scrimmage that separates football players? What about the spiritual dividing line separating good from evil? What about standards of morality and ethics that separates politicians and religious leaders? What about laws that separate criminals from honest people? What about the Ten Commandments of God that separates Christians from infidels who think they descended from monkeys? What about prophets of God with a sense of humor?

Of course, a few liberal Demoncrats, and a few, confused but humorous Republicans, want us to believe that segregation should not be allowed in America or in Heaven? George Bush and Al Bore should be serving in the White House together with Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson -- just as God, Billy Graham, Satan and Saddam will be ruling the universe from the same throne for the sake of all saints and sinners -- black or white, red or yellow, brown or pink, visible or invisible -- without discrimination?

When trying to put this latest controversy behind us, the unofficial Famous Titans of Tennessee, including me, Tennessee Elijah, hereby release for public consumption a simple, but appropriate poetic phrase which should put the issue of segregation into proper perspective. Let's try to make sense out of nonsense by always remembering...

A rose is a rose; a thorn is a thorn;
together they grow in darkness
and in light on the same vine.