Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire

Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire
By Tennessee Elijah

EWNR – The highly esteemed United States Senate has passed a landmark voting standard's bill to authorize a future expenditure of billions of dollars as soon as possible. Thanks to smart progressive thinking, high-tech voting equipment, shiny new ballots and ID requirements, reporters with binoculars will be able to detect voter fraud in 2004 -- and far beyond into the cloudy future of competitive politics.

The documented 92-2 vote in the Senate held the same margin of error
as the 357-48 vote in the House. Senator's Thummer Vain Dasschole and Melburp Gepfhart predicted smooth sailing if President George Bush is brave enough to sign the remarkable legislation into law.

Although Congress does not regret adding pork barrel initiatives, it is still generally believed that honest elections will finally be possible once the $3.8 multi-billion-plus has been removed from Social Security and randomly spent on miscellaneous projects. Famous Senator Chrassmoosy Bernie Dudey of Connecticut -- and his buddies -- believe the bill is a "symbolic gesture for concerned citizens" who are gullible enough to think the infamous 2000 presidential election was cleverly rigged by angry Demoncrats who like
to think being "liberal" is a status symbol in West Virginia.

This fabulous piece of partisan workmanship found in the form of a abstract bipartisan bill is the result of marathon negotiations between cantankerous lawmakers on both sides of the slippery isle. "No longer will our great nation be plagued by aggressive pursuits when infidels in the political arena banter about for the insane purpose of satisfying egotistical interests," John F. Kennedy's younger brother Teddy was reported to
have denied saying to Chinese tourists on the White House lawn.

Senator Mitchy "Bubby" McTunnely of Kentucky and the somber proud committee's top Republican brass got together to declare victory for voters who do not know how to read newspapers printed in the English language -- and who do not know how to stand in line while voting, or do not know how to spell their names the same way twice.

New York's two Demoncrat senators -- namely Charley Y. Schumerly and Hilarious Clinton, now hold the historic distinction of being two senators in their party who think the Florida election keeping Al Gore out of the White House was a good thing -- which they now admit was an efficient operation. It made voting for the voting standards bill meaningless as it relates to what some believe will be a potential for voter fraud. Both Charley and serious Hilarious were very, very displeased with voter identification requirements which would have made voting by dead people, multiple voting by illegal aliens, and underage voting impossible in 2004 and 2008.

This marvelous Election Correction Bill will now allow states with lost punch-cards, chad hanging, chad dropping on cluttered floor disasters, stuck lever difficulties, and/or other minor glitches a once in a lifetime opportunity to upgrade expensive voting machines. Silly folks who complain that their legal names do not appear on local election rolls will finally be able to prove they are registered even if they're not! They might be able to vote for their favorite candidates if they have an invalid driver's license, falsified birth records -- or if their counterfeit Social Security card has been lost or stolen.

Demoncrats who take pride in slandering President Bush, believe the new identification provisions are grossly unfair to patriotic illegal aliens, hundreds of unemployed drug addicts, proud teenage mothers, homeless veterans, deceased family members, suspected members of terrorist groups and/or honorable liberal activists who think wars to protect our American national interests is a ludicrous concept invented by Republicans who love death, because it makes them feel alive.

Saddam Hendersin, reputed to be the rich executive director of the United Leadership Conference on Uncivil Rights, has been accused of thinking that the voting standard's bill will make it easier for big mouth bigots to discriminate against minorities who are having a tough time deciding which politicians to support. Most sick-and-tired voters are being forced to stand in line when it rains at the polls and are being tricked into pulling levers for the wrong candidates when they attempt to vote without assistance. They get scared when they are left alone behind closed curtains in a dark booth.

During an unscheduled Press Conference when meeting with reporters, ULCUR Director Hendersin denied that he had ever had bad thoughts about big mouth bigots who are too stupid, too lazy or too complacent to read a book. "My patriotic people know the difference between Demoncrats and Republicans," he loudly declared to his antagonists who rudely accused him of ulterior motives. When asked if he might try to encourage his people to vote more than once in each election if the bill is signed into law, and/or if he thought the credibility of the system had been improved to the extent that
it would be tamper proof, he snickered, nearly choked on a fry, and then stomped out of Burger King after dropping his tray filled with scraps and dirty ketchup-stained napkins on a slippery floor when tripping over a kid's big foot, mumbling under his breath, "liar, liar, pants on fire...liar, liar, pants on fire...liar, liar, pants on fire..."