Wacky Iraqi Mad Bad Dad

Wacky Iraqi Mad Bad Dad
By Tennessee Elijah

EWNR – As extremely serious -- not frivolous, untrue or humorous, strange or absurd consequences await Saddam, a tragic war will be delayed only if compliance to the U.N. resolution by Baghdad's Mad Bad Dad is seen as hopeful by the United States President.

Saddam Hussein's vague, accusatory, in denial nonacceptance of often repeated simple terms being thrust upon his dictatorship has now made possible the unwelcome U.N. inspectors first return to Iraq since 1998. Imposed deadlines have been resulting in acrimonious threats against his enemies in Washington. "I have no weapons of mass destruction," the spokesman said, Saddam said, explaining, "And Saddam will destroy millions of people if you don't back off and leave him alone."

Facing a new December 8, 2002 deadline to list his banned biological, chemical and nuclear programs -- if Saddam mistakenly omits anything
that the U.S. says has been methodically documented and classified in
secret documentation -- or substantiated through speculation based on deductive reasoning by the CIA -- it could be seen as provocation for an eventual, eminent or delayed, immediate devastating invasion. His huge luxurious palaces would be likely targets -- even though innocent playful children are often rumored to be taking vacations in those locations.

Competent U.S. officials say, off the record, to alert news reporters that
only idiots would believe, Saddam will comply with the 15-0-vote Security Council resolution 1441. "Waiting weeks or even months for this process
to play out while we sit patiently on the sidelines watching patterns of deception, shipments from North Korea, denials and verbal defiance
from this lunatic as he goes about building up his arsenal has become irresponsible and dangerous," the whispering voice on the phone said, adding, "If Saddam has nothing to hide, why is he being so evasive? Is
he afraid that we might find Usama in one of his palaces? Are there indecent pornographic videos under his bed? Would we find booze in
his closet, Cuban cigars in his desk, autographed photos of Stalin, Hitler, Castro, and Satan on his walls? What is this smiling, tricky Dictator trying to hide if not weapons of mass destruction?"

"The idea of zero tolerance should be easy for this shrewd, multi-talented crazy man to understand," President Bush explained to a few antagonists who defend Saddam's right to torture thousands of men, women and children before he kills them for the sake of bringing pleasure to those who get excited by the thrill of seeing good people die.

President Bush has already signed off on plans to use 250,000 U.S. men
and women -- along with allied forces in an effort to demoralize, defeat and occupy Saddam's Iraq if need be. Pentagon officials have been efficiently moving military equipment into position. The Navy has aircraft carriers within striking range. B-2 steath bombers are up and ready for deployment
in the Indian Ocean and thousands of missiles from Qatar, Israel, Egypt, Kuwait, Turkey, Bahrain, Syria, France, Libya, Lebanon, Germany, China and Russia might be seeing action before the end of 2007 -- on one side or the other. Saddam only has three warplanes and five scud missiles hidden
in the sand -- not counting scuds from North Korea along with his famous weapons of mass destruction that he cleverly hid in Syria, Lebanon, Jordan and in caves throughout the continent of Africa, Canada, South America -- and even in the Divided United States of America.

Pentagon officials are saying that the National Guard or reserve units will not be needed unless terrorists expand the war within our borders. In that event, doing a Hiroshima in the Middle East might impede their activities long enough for us to purge the United States of internal enemies -- along with their biological/chemical and/or nuclear arsenals that have been
hidden during the past eight-to-ten years.

A 9-page letter that Iraqi's lackey ambassador to the U.N. Mohammed Al-Douri Potouri presented the smiling EU's U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan has convinced just about everyone except the Bush administration that this current crisis is over. White House spokesman Scott McClellan confessed, "We remain skeptical."

The advance team of 24 proud U.N. inspectors led by witty chief U.N. inspector Hans Blix and Mohammed ElBaradei -- the clever leader of the U.N.'s International Atomic Energy Agency -- were looking deadly serious upon arriving in Iraq to open their offices. Starting November 25 -- or maybe delaying until December 23 unless the long holiday season poses a problem. The eager dedicated inspectors will be reporting of progress, or lack of progress, to the Security Council when convenient at some point between February 21 and July 4 of 2003. Then around August or late September of the same year,- or possibly in October if Saddam cooperates/ inspectors will be taking a peek at deserted buildings, old oil wells, tons of badly written documents, graveyard tombs, vacant hotel rooms and car trunks when not ducking for cover from bombs falling on downtown Baghdad for twenty years or so -- depending on how things are going in America.

The U.N. Resolution clearly indicates, more or less, that "Any erroneous statements about weapons of mass destruction or omissions pertaining
to illegal drug activity, rapes of helpless young women, robbery of Iraqi national oil resources, murder of political enemies due to offically signed declarations submitted by Saddam, or by his unofficial family members, shall constitute a material breach of Iraq's obligations."

Now that Representative Harold Ford of Tennessee was defeated by Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi in his bid to be House Minority Leader, it seems radicalization of liberals in America is stronger than it was before the midterm elections. Texas Republican Tom DeLay will have his hands full as House Majority Leader when opposition minority leader Pelosi continues her war of angry words to intimidate Americans who want to defend themselves from enemies. She may even decide to use the TV bully pulpit in support of peaceniks, create havoc in the minds of easily confused Demoncrats who think Saddam is a kind gentleman -- because he hugs kids -- or she might even speak out publicly against Christian Republicans by blaming President Bush for terrorism when she tires of blaming him for Billy Clinton's failing economy. Pelosi might decide to insult most Americans by questioning their patriotic support for brave men and women in uniform -- claiming liberals like her have private information, proving surrender is better than war.

Judith Yaphe, a respected Iraq expert at the National Defense University
is predicting that Saddam will not reveal his WMD hiding places -- and she believes it will be almost impossible for clever U.N. inspectors to find incriminating evidence. "Saddam has had over four years and these past few months of warning to get things ready, thanks to liberal Democrats and UN debaters," her anonymous friend was heard saying. "What would we do if Saddam bought a few suitcase-size nuclear bombs from Russians? What if Saddam is working with Usama and the al-Qaeda? What if most
of his weapons have been hidden everywhere, but in Iraq? How many suitcases and shipping crates from Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Yemen or Syria are already stored away in the cities of the United States? Does anyone in their right mind really think Saddam would ever turn over his strategic information or voluntarily destroy the expensive weapons that might make it possible for him to blackmail Israel and America?"

In the words of the illusive audio/video producer Usama bin Laden, "I ask my angry, mighty God to help radical Islamic militants to glorify our great worldwide religion and to continue jihad for the sake of killing Jews and Christians until we earn our place in Paradise where His glory will shine on those of us who kill innocent men, women and children. Praises be to my powerful God who hates truth, love, peace and those white-skinned racist criminals who go to war against my gentle friend Saddam."

"All of this talk about Armageddon is just a crazy idea people get from
the Bible," said agnostic news anchors, atheistic Christian haters, Muslim extremist fundamentalists from Hell -- and liberal Demoncrats who are telling everyone in America that everything will stay the same in other nations no matter what God is telling crazy prophets.

Suddenly without warning, the skeptics were turning their attention to a deafening roar of silence. They were astounded by darkness covering the trembling Earth -- and they wondered what was happening in places that
no longer existed. Somewhere in their memories, far removed from media blackouts and chaos on the streets, far removed from quiet words once heard, they kept returning to their past reality long enough to be reminded
of their immature political indifference.

"This time, we proud Americans will be fighting to defend ourselves from those who murder innocent people. We will defend ourselves from those who scheme to destroy the fabric of society before tragedy happens, not after it happens," they remembered their enemy in the White House had once said to a group of Christians in Texas. "You are either good or you are evil; you are either with us in our fight to defend liberty or you are with the terrorists; you either choose to live in peace with your neightbors or you choose war; you either choose life for yourself or you choose death."